AKA: Zombie Rival: The Super Ninja Master, here’s some incredibly awful super-crap that’ll have you popping corn in hysterics and just one of 1000’s of movies (probably) shat out by Hong Kong producers Joseph Lai and Betty Chan in conjunction with the insane Godfrey Ho.
When you start a film off with exploding heads, severed limbs that spray arterial blood like a garden hose, and a chainsaw fight, you can be pretty sure that a film is going to be over-the-top and live up to the word gore in its name.
As Clint Eastwood nears his eighties I found it curious that the iconic movie tough guy would choose to take on a role where the trailer shows him as a cranky old man, shouting that cliched old line at some teens: "Get off my lawn!" Taken out of the context of the film the line is funny, and I admit it's one of the things that piqued my interest in Gran Torino.
In the context of the film it's not funny at all. It's not the only thing Walt Kowalski (Clint Eastwood) says to the hoodlums that have ventured onto his lawn, and it's a downright chilling moment in one of the best films I've seen this year.
Pick two numbers between 1 and 5. Add those together and that’s probably how many movies this pile of Hong Kong action tat is made out of. Funny as hell for all the wrong reasons, this is more senseless, stoopid, badly dubbed ninja-poop ‘starring’ poor old Richard Harrison and gigantic Mike Abbott (American Hunter—87) and is yet another cut ‘n’ paste kung fu stew from Joseph Lai’s IFD company.
Crazy Hong Kong action with international star Chow Yun Fat. Watch as Chow Yun woos the ladies and smacks them around, dresses like a Vegas lounge lizard, wields a yo-yo shotgun, and wets his pants.
You’ll also get Conan Lee as his buddy-cop partner. Conan may not be as smooth with the ladies, but he does get to tear up the place in some terrific kung fu battles and an epic chainsaw duel.
Supercop ACP Jai Dixit is back, and this time he's after a renowned thief known only as Mr. A, a criminal so devious and ridiculous that he parachutes out the sky, dresses up like an old lady, and then beats people up with a yo-yo snowboard.
While the original Dhoom was stupid, Dhoom 2 catapults the franchise into a world of cinematic hurt even I wasn't expecting. What did I ever do to you to deserve this, Bollywood?
When a band of fast and furious (or at least disgruntled) bikers get tired of their day jobs waiting tables at a pizza place, they go on a robbing spree that has the entire Mumbai police force up in arms. Only supercop ACP Jai Dixit (Abhishek Bachchan) and his shades can stop them before they rob again, and again. And again, because it takes him a quite a while to stop them.
Lead-brained action/exploitation filmed in the Philippines by an all Italian crew and starring Richard Randall, Brigitte Porsh, Peter Hinz and creepy little Ratman (84) himself—Nelson De La Rosa. Low budget and pretty haphazard, much of the plot revolves around a renegade South American army general who wages a personal war against poppy field farmers and ‘contra’ jungle rebels, so you’d be right to expect green-inferno fire-fights, booby traps, helicopters, thrown grenades, shouts of “Nooooooooo!”, machine gun battles and bouts of blocky martial arts from CIA commando Randall and plucky reporter Porsh.
Crazy rubbish urban kung fu mess shot in the run down part of NYC and starring Charles 'La Pantera' Bonet as a pint sized, tracksuit wearing karate nut who fights slum landlords when they shut off his water, gas and heating.
More directionless martial arts crap from the diabolical duo of Producer Tomas Tang and Mr. Ho, this time starring Stuart Steen, Louise Roth, Christine O’Hara and fight choreographer Kent Poon.
