Tiger Heart

Have you ever wanted to see a martial arts film starring a nerdy, irritating teenager? A film that looks like it came from the 80s, filled with stupid dialog, laughable acting, glaring continuity errors, and silly fights? How about a plot that's nearly straight out of the video game Double Dragon? If so, Tiger Heart is the movie for you!

Eric (Ted Jan Roberts) is a rich, annoying young nerd who spends his summer practicing karate at the dojo, reading comic books, and hanging out with his even more annoying friend Brad (Timothy Williams). Together they crash parties in Brad's father's car, getting into fights that Eric wins with his goofy karate skills (which he apparently honed while working on the Power Rangers TV show).

Bikini parties, crappy jokes, and karate wouldn't be enough to keep this film going for 90 minutes, so Eric acquires a love interest in the nearby shopkeeper’s daughter, Stephanie (Jennifer Lyons). The two bond over dialog so inept you may choke on your popcorn; when Stephanie asks Eric if he's excited to be going to college soon, he says he's "enthralled".

Of course there's an evil guy buying up the neighborhood shops so he can build a mall, and he's using thugs to force the shopkeepers to sell their stores. Lead thug Paulo (Robert LaSardo, probably the best actor in this sorry mess) and his goons quickly learn that a nerd and his karate should not be messed with in one of the most poorly-filmed fights I've ever seen; Eric only fights one guy, but several others are shown lying around injured before the fight begins. Nice editing, guys!

Eventually the goons kidnap Stephanie, leading Eric and his sensei into a brawl with 20 guys in an alley. After that Eric runs off to his dojo to beg everyone there to help him go after the bad guys and get his girlfriend back—because the best idea when your girlfriend has been kidnapped is to ask a bunch of 8 year old orange belts* to join your battle.

This does lead to one of the more ridiculous and, though I hate to say it, entertainingly stupid final battles in a crappy US martial arts movie that I’ve seen in a while. Baseball bats, horrid one liners, bad guys gone good, karate kids, gangsters, and bikers all in one massively stupid bar fight. As one character in the film describes the aftermath: “This place looks like a ninja pajama party!”

Only recommended if you're looking for something to make fun of with some friends and a stupid 80s martial arts film starring a nerd sounds like it would fit the bill. Don't let Tiger Heart's 1996 release date fool you. A metric ton of bad hair, outfits, dialog, and fighting awaits the intrepid viewer.

* For those unfamiliar with karate belt ranking, orange belt is pretty close to beginner.