Minimoni: The Great Cake Adventure

Japan has a long-standing reputation in the west for making some pretty strange TV shows and movies.  They've had a lot of competition from other countries over the years, but once in a while they still manage to put out something that makes me stare at the screen in horrified wonder.  Minimoni: The Great Cake Adventure is one of those things.

Minimoni: The Great Cake adventure is the cinematic equivalent of eating a pile of pixie sticks and washing them down with a lot of Jolt Cola and Robitussin.  If it were possible for a movie to rot your teeth this one would, but instead you'll probably just lose some brain cells.

The Minimoni girls work at a bakery, selling cakes and other assorted confections to humans and strangely animated creatures.  Their world is filled with horribly vivid colors, as if Candyland had been brought to life by some kind of inebriated divine being.  At other times it looks like a Playstation game.  They stick their faces too close to the camera and show you their imperfect teeth, which made me want to yell "GO TO AN ORTHODONTIST!"  Normally these things wouldn't bother me, but Minimoni is enough to drive anyone slightly crazy. 

The girls also like to sing and dance.  This portion of Minimoni is infectiously entertaining in a ridiculously stupid way.  The musical sections play out like a music video directed and edited by someone that was severely under the influence of some kind of drug.  Possibly several kinds of drugs.

Since all movies need a conflict and a resolution, Minimoni includes one just to keep things going past the ten minute mark.  The (theoretically) beautiful, evil, and poorly animated queen hates cakes and sends her inept and equally poorly animated henchmen to destroy the bakery.  Things go horribly awry and the Minimoni gang end up on a mini-sized quest through an animated world in order to restore all things cake-y and sugary to the land!

Will the Minimoni gang succeed? Will badly animated creatures ever be able to eat cake again? Will anyone be able to watch this without having a seizure or losing their mind?

If it sounds bizarre... well, it is. I can't believe I actually watched the whole thing, and I feel like it might have caused permanent brain damage. Despite that fact (or maybe because of it) I didn't actually hate it with every fiber of my being, and I'm almost certain to share it with others. At least in small doses. I'm not sure I could make anyone else watch it all without tying them down.

Recommended for people who want to scratch their heads and say "What the hell did I just watch?" I guess you could also view it with kids—if you have some, and want them to grow up to be insane.

We had to invent a new rating just for this movie. Stars just didn't seem to cut it.