August 27, 2008 by Lurple
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Am I the only one amazed at the rate at which the Sci-Fi Channel pumps these things out? It seems to be the place to go after your career has died if you've ever done anything vaguely related to science fiction, fantasy or at least been in a bad movie.
Antonio Sabato Jr., the untalented Baldwin, Richard Moll, Kevin Sorbo, John Rhys-Davies... what happened to you, John Rhys-Davies? Sci-Fi has built an enormous roster of actors that they often recycle.
Yet, every once in a while I'm lured into watching one of these dreadful movies. Maybe I'm tired and it just happens to be on, or maybe the title and stars seem to promise a combination that could produce a truly entertaining bad flick.
For example, I was recently tempted by Anaconda 3 starring The Hoff. Sure, I knew it was bound to be terrible, but it must have the Hoff fighting giant snakes. But wait, what's that I spy in the opening credits? "Directed by Don E. FauntLeRoy"? That's the bastard who directed Steven Seagal's dreadful Mercenary for Justice! I only made it 30 minutes into this horrible 'movie' before I gave up. And guess what, IMDB reveals that he directed Anaconda 3 and Anaconda 4 back to back! So we've got that to look forward to.
Making it only 30 minutes into the show is pretty typical of my viewings of Sci-Fi Original Movies, and the times that I do manage to watch an entire show I always wish I hadn't. I wind up feeling like my time would have been better spent taking a nap or complaining about Sci-Fi Originals on the internet.
Does anyone like these things? Even if you want a crappy movie there's stuff that's actually entertaining out there, and a lot of it is readily available and cheap or free. Or do most people watch them almost by accident and then find themselves horrified and unable to look away? I'm honestly curious. Just who is the target audience?
A female friend of mine eats
A female friend of mine eats this stuff up. Don't understand why, either. She seems to get laughs out of them at least.
Obviously I like my fair
Obviously I like my fair share of trashy movies, and everyone's entitled to like what they like. Most of these things just seem so completely devoid of any charm, though.
Did anyone out there actually like Lake Placid 2?
The wife and I will be
The wife and I will be flipping around and come to SciFi and see the title - Flu Bird Horror or maybe Mansquito - and we HAVE to watch it just long enough to see whatever the beast/monster is. The effects are so brutally bad they're awesome.
So yeah, they're good for laughs, but I can't even make it through much more than an hour of one. But hey, they're probably produced cheaply (probably?) and they must make the network money.
I also have a theory: I swear that SciFi is teamed up with Cinemax (or some underling production company) to make these crappy sci fi flicks AND a soft core porn flick concurrently. The production values are identical. So they're filming Mansquito, but at the same time, when they yell cut on the tame love scene, they start shooting the soft core version for the alternate version of the flick, Mansucker (or something terrible like that).
Mansquito: The Porno would
Mansquito: The Porno would probably be a far better idea. I like how you think. I wouldn't watch it, but it's an awesomely terrible idea that I think Sci-Fi/Cinemax should run with.
It would probably give ET: The Porno competition for sheer horrible WTF. And yes, that does exist. No, I wouldn't recommend looking for it.
Titles like Mansquito are the kind of thing that lead me to start watching these shows and then wish I hadn't. Awesomely terrible title, usually wasted on something that turns out boring. Sort of like Death Bed: The Bed That Eats.
I don't know how you can say
I don't know how you can say that E.T. the Vagina is a bad movie.
It could easily be one of the best movies ever made. I could also be a billionaire with my own private island and the largest gaggle of whores the world has ever seen.
I record these every now and
I record these every now and then with my DVR because title and the plot description sometimes sound interesting, but every time I watch about 15 minutes and delete it swearing never to watch another one again, only to record another movie later on and repeat the cycle. It's a bit like eating at Taco Bell - the food sucks, and when you eat it, you swear you'll never set foot inside another Taco Bell again, then a few months later you eat there again. My latest head-first dive into this wading pool was Ghost Voyage. I do not recommend checking it out. But that was about a month ago, and now I have Riddles of the Sphinx on my DVR. I will likely be watching/deleting it sometime this week.
Taco Bell is probably one of
Taco Bell is probably one of the better analogies I've heard. I only forget how bad they are every few years. With the Sci-Fi channel it's a little more frequent, but they both leave a bad taste in your mouth.
Sci-Fi Originals
There is something special about them. That wonderful feeling when someone tried to make something good, but failed miserably. That rare Heatstroke or Ice Spiders, that jank CGI, it's a lot of things. Speaking of Mansquito and Anaconda 3, we've reviewed them on the show: http://workisworkpodcast.com/
I've never really gotten the
I've never really gotten the impression that they even tried to make something good. It's more like they set out to make something lousy and had a massive success. I was planning on reviewing Anaconda 3 but I just couldn't make it through the whole thing.
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