Do Not Want Vol. 1: Zoo

There are limits even to my appetite for cinematic trash. To prove it, we'll be featuring some things I just don't want to watch in our new column, Do Not Want.  I may even put some quickie reviews of things I have watched but wish I had avoided.  Think of it as a public service.

To kick things off we'll start with the 2007 film Zoo, a documentary about the life of a Seattle man who died as a result of an unusual encounter with a horse.

How unusual?  If you're hoping it's not what you're thinking, it's exactly what you're thinking. I wouldn't want to judge someone's lifestyle choice, but I just can't think of a single reason I would want to watch this movie. 

I find the concept unappealing in the same way I find Brokeback Mountain and Lifetime movies unappealing.  It's not because I have a problem with gay cowboys or unfulfilled housewives.  I fully support gay cowboys and unfulfilled housewives.  I just don't want to watch cowboys, housewives, or anyone else sitting around looking depressed and talking about their feelings for two hours. It doesn't really matter whether they're straight, gay, or want to make sweet love to their horses. I'm not interested in hearing about it. 

I might make an exception to this rule for ninjas; their inherent coolness could be enough to overpower the boring factor. After all, Shinobi: Heart Under Blade had some ninjas who wouldn't shut up about their feelings and I liked that anyway.  On the other hand if the ninjas had been in love with their horses I'm really not sure how I would have felt.  Now that would be one hell of a weird movie.

If for some reason you do want more information on Zoo you can check it out on IMDB or find information on the unfortunate true-life saga of "Mr. Hands" on Wikipedia and elsewhere.  Perhaps you disagree and want to see Zoo.  Feel free to leave a comment, I'm always interested in discussing odd movies.