Half Past Dead
One of his last films to receive a theatrical release, Half Past Dead is also a good example of why Seagal's films go straight to video these days.
Seagal is prisoner 1147. Just kidding, that might have been interesting. He’s really a deadly undercover FBI agent with a score to settle, although his vengeance has very little to do with the film. Instead we get a half-baked plot in which goons dressed in trenchcoats break in to a prison on Alcatraz in order to get an inmate who's about to be exectued to give up the location of $200 million in gold.
When their plan goes awry, the bad guys take hostages. Their big score: a lady Supreme Court Justice who came to view the execution. Naturally only undercover agent Seagal can kill everyone and rescue her.
Why is there a prison on Alcatraz again? Why has the inmate who has repented and found god kept the location of the stolen gold secret? Why does the best fight scene happen when Seagal is not around? Why does Nia Peeples wear makeup that makes her look like a racoon? Why are there so many terrible movies with Jet Li and Steven Seagal hanging out with rappers? None of these questions will be answered in Half Past Dead.
You will see lots of shootouts with people flying through the air in slow motion firing two guns at the same time. Even the good guys usually miss in Half Past Dead, which may be the only thing in the film that makes sense given the ridiculous way they all choose to fire their weapons. Flying through the air or windows, running with a pistol in each hand, sliding down ropes and swinging on chains. You’ll be praying for someone—anyone—to get shot and killed as soon as possible, but don’t expect it to happen quickly.
You also get slappy karate battles where the camera is positioned to try to hide Seagal’s paunch. I’ll never understand why the man has moved from doing aikido—the thing that made him somewhat famous as an action star—into doing sloppy karate chops and bitchslaps. It’s so bad that the best fight in the movie is between Nia Peeples and Ja Rule. I wish I were kidding. On top of that, while Ja Rule is a terrible actor he’s still several steps above Steven Seagal.
There are also loads of exploding barrels. Who puts exploding barrels all over a prison? Why does everyone, including Seagal, use them for cover?
It doesn’t really matter. Nothing in this film matters, and I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone. I think I spent more time on this review than the writers spent on the script. The only positive thing I can say is that this isn’t Seagal’s worst film.
