Santa's Slay

A Christmas horror movie where Santa Claus kills Fran Drescher and Chris Kattan in the opening scene has at least two things going for it. Fortunately for Santa’s Slay it not only provides Santa a chance to kill off two of the most irritating people of all time, it’s surprisingly enjoyable ride.

Santa (played by ex-pro wrestler Bill Goldberg) turns out to be demon who’s only been bringing joy to children for the last 1,000 years because he lost a bet with an angel. Now the bet is off, and he’s bringing a little bit of hell to earth to the appropriately named Hell’s Township. The only thing that stands in his way is the standard issue slightly-rebellious teenager (Douglas Smith), his cute friend (Emilie de Raven), and his eccentric grandpa (Robert Culp).

Bill Goldberg isn’t the first ex-pro wrestler to play Santa, but Santa’s Slay isn’t as disastrous as Hulk Hogan’s Santa with Muscles. This isn’t because Goldberg can act—he can’t—but he spends most of the movie tearing things apart, killing people, and looking big and mean in a Santa outfit. He’s perfectly capable of doing those things on screen.

The rest of the cast is quite likable, largely because of Emilie de Raven (who’s cute as a button) and Robert Culp. Characters like the local deli owner (Saul Rubinek) and the strip-club loving pastor (Dave Thomas) help make this more than the below-average comedy slasher I was expecting. Douglas Smith is pretty forgettable, but you can’t have everything.

Is Santa’s Slay a slasher flick? Yup, it’s got all the standard ingredients. The nearly invincible bad guy is Santa this time, and he comes complete with a heap of bad one-liners that are mostly Christmas related—you can bet your stocking that he’ll stab someone to death with a candy cane. Have you ever seen Santa tear apart a strip club and beat people to death with a stripper pole? This is your chance. Prepare yourself for naughty and nice jokes. They’re mostly terrible, but I’ve got to admit that I chuckled at a couple of them.

Fortunately there’s nothing wrong with a slasher flick from time to time, and if you’ve got the “I’m Sick of Christmas” blues, Santa’s Slay might help cure what ails you. Shut off the Christmas music, stop watching It’s A Wonderful Life for the 50th time, and just enjoy Santa Claus killing Chris Kattan. It’s a Christmas wish we can all agree on.